An Open Letter To A Church
I just read your proclamation against same-sex marriage. Can you point me to the church’s other proclamations (based, presumably, on the same scriptures you list in this proclamation) against marrying divorcees; marrying formerly single-parents; and ordaining divorced deacons, elders, and bishops. While I’m no advocate for gay marriage, it confuses me that we get almost daily proclamations against homosexuality (because it “destroys the American family”) and not a word spoken against the biggest threat to families in America (particularly if marriage is primarily about COVENANT relationship, not childbearing): divorce.
Every year, more kids experience divorce or separation than are born out of wedlock. Did you know that kids of divorcees suffer loads more psychological trauma than kids adopted by or raised by gay parents? Probably not. Why? Because somehow the thing that is MOST destructive to the concept of marriage–our legal ability to end them on a whim–is overlooked in the church and by political conservatives. I can’t tell you the last time I heard a sermon against divorce. Mind you, my last four pastors were divorced and remarried, but that is beside the point. Apparently church folks (who get divorced at higher rates than non-church folks) don’t need to know that Paul went out of his way to say that it was the LORD’S COMMAND and not his that husbands and wives not divorce (I Cor. 7). I guess all of the young people encouraged over and over again to get married so they can give their parents grandkids don’t need to hear that the Lord God of Israel “HATES divorce” (Malachi 2). Hmmm, maybe it’s more important that we tell folks that God turned less than 4% of the population over to homosexuality “because of their hard and evil hearts” (Rom 1) than that we tell the remaining 96% that Moses only allowed few restrictions on divorce “because of their hard and evil hearts” (Matt 19:8). Adultery, as bad as it is, is only mentioned by Christ a couple of times. One of those is in Matthew 19 when he said the famous “let NO MAN divorce what GOD has joined together” line. He states that any man who divorces his wife (except if she cheats on him) and then marries another COMMITS ADULTERY. God seems to dislike divorce a whole lot, yet it’s rarely mentioned in churches, isn’t deserving of COGIC webpage proclamations, and never mentioned as a bad thing in conservative newspapers and talk shows . . . while we focus on stuff that is so rare in our society as to be irrelevant to the big picture.
If we Christians are so concerned about maintaining God’s Law when it comes to family values and how people should live their lives in this country, if we want laws based on the 10 commandments . . then I suggest someone start advocating an end to divorce laws in this country. I teach “marriage and the family” so I spend hours explaining the negative impact of divorce on both spouses, their kids, their extended family, the economy, etc.. It’s not a pretty picture and yet the church is SILENT about this. Why is that? Because it’s easier to look out into our megachurch audiences and offend a few homosexuals rather than risk shutting down our churches/programs when we offend all of the divorcees. If we’re going to say that heterosexual marriage is a type of the marriage between Christ and the Church, doesn’t divorce scare you? I know, I know. You can get a divorce (maybe) if your spouse cheats on you or abandons you (I Cor 7). Hello?! By being sinners, we all “cheated on God”. We do that every time we choose our way over his way . . love for ourselves over love for him. But did Christ say “oh well, that Church . . . I guess I should dump her and move on cause I’m hurt and offended”? Did he search through the scriptures to come up with rationales for why he shouldn’t reconcile himself to us? No, he was so serious about making this thing work, he DIED! Yes, God made Adam and Eve, not Adam and Steve. But, it’s a shame Adam didn’t have our perspective on divorce or else he could have divorced Eve, not eaten the fruit, and God would have blessed him with an obedient wife. Jesus wouldn’t have had to come at all.
But Richard, divorce is becoming the norm. You’re crazy if you think divorce is wrong in this day and age. We’re not going to put anyone out because they’re divorced. We’re not going to tell someone who has been wronged by a spouse and divorced him/her that they should leave their sacrifice at the altar and go reconcile. You’re just a little ridiculous (old-fashioned) if you think that the church shouldn’t allow people who divorced to be pastors or get married again; that’s an OLD understanding of the Bible. We got it wrong and now the church is enlightened . . . we’ve changed with the times. Like blacks who wanted to marry whites, like women who wanted to preach, like divorcees who wanted to be able to remarry . . . . I think that’s what gays and lesbians are counting on.