6 Responses to “Interracial Dating and Marriage”

1. pointerr February 18th, 2009 at 2:58 am

   Personally, I would date someone of another race, but I do not think I would marry someone from another race. This is not because I am opposing the idea of assimilation, but there are just certain cultural differences that seem insurmountable. I don’t like having to explain why I, as a Black woman, have to wrap my hair up at night or put oil on my hair instead of washing it out. I have, in the past, dated people of other races, and I have realized that making a relationship work is hard enough without having to deal with criticism from society or from the family. Even if I did, indeed, fall in love with a person from another race, I would have to give long, hard consideration to marriage because of the criticism that would come, inevitably, from people who may not be as race-blind as some of us have come to be.

2. AWeinstein89 February 18th, 2009 at 3:15 am

   While no one in their right mind would ever consider dating or marrying me, or so I’ve been told, I’m just going to throw this article out there: http://stuffwhitepeoplelike.com/2008/01/20/11-asian-girls/
   And boom goes the dynamite.

   Ok, alright, in all seriousness, I’ve dated people outside of my race before, but then I’ve also had friends who said that they haven’t really ever considered it. They say they’re just not attracted, but they’ve never really said why, and I guess I just don’t understand it.

   Although my folks have always joked about their wanting me to marry “a nice Jewish girl,” I’ve always grown up under the assumption that I could date or marry whoever I wanted to and my family would accept it. Of course, I realize that this isn’t true for everyone, and that probably does have something to do with the relative lack of interracial couples still today.

3. jessica.l.miles February 18th, 2009 at 10:44 am

   I’ve never dated someone outside of my race, but I honestly would date or marry someone outside of my race. The way I see it, many of my perspectives, opinions, idealogues, etc. are different from mainstream black culture, so why should differences with other cultures prevent me from becoming romantically involved with someone from another race who’s culture is also different than mine?

   Admittedly, I would prefer to marry someone of my own race, just because being subjected to a lifetime of societal judgement for being in an interracial marriage isn’t exactly something I greatly desire. However, I think I would be willing to endure it for the right person.

   One thing that I think prevents me from dating outside of my race is my assumption that men outside of my race won’t date because I’m black. On the proverbial totem pole of suitability for romantic relationships, black women nearly universally considered to be at the bottom.

   (For those of you who saw the Spoken Word Love Show on Valentine’s Day, there was a skit that addressed this really well. I also think it’s true that Asian men occupy a similar position on the totem pole, but I think it may be a little easier for them because as men, they are in a position to be able to pursue romantic interests — they get to initiate contact. In mainstream society, women are still, by-and-large, expected to wait for men to pursue them)

   Maybe, at some point, this assumption is merely projection on my part, but I like to think it’s based in some sort of fact. For example, buried in annals of his website, Dr. Pitt has powerpoints of his research, and I seem to recall that, on his research on gays and interracial relationships, he presents data on heterosexual relationships that says something like only 1/10 white men would consider dating a black or Hispanic woman. However, this reluctance for interracial relationships is by no means confined to the dominant race — I think in almost all other cultures there is a degree of stigma associated with interracial relationships.

4. Jazz Daigle February 18th, 2009 at 2:42 pm

   I have dated outside of my race. I dated a Mexican man for two years. He was an undocumented worker that I met when I was a cook at Ruth’s Chris. The only reason I even had qualms about the situation in the first place was because when he first began to pursue me, he barely spoke any English, and I spoke just as little Spanish. When he asked me for my number, I had to ask him three times to repeat himself before I understood what he was trying to say, and then I told him no. Long story short, though, eventually we were able to communicate and once I gave him a chance he gave me the best relationship I could have ever asked for. Before him, I had never dated or considered dating anyone who wasn’t black, but my experience with Jose’ made me realize something…

   The race of my partner had nothing to do with the quality of the relationship. We did have a lot of cultural differences to work out especially concerning religion and gender roles, but these issues weren’t impossible to solve. Jose’ made me happy enough in the relationship that I was willing to make compromises and try hard to work out certain things. Since Jose’ went back to Mexico, I have returned to the habit of dating mostly black men, but if a man of a different race were to approach me for romantic reasons, I think I’d be very open to it. It’s so hard to find a good man these days, there’s no point in limiting myself further by placing restrictions on what race I’m willing to date.

5. kbrown February 18th, 2009 at 6:31 pm

   I haven’t dated anyone outside my race but I’m not a opposed to it. I would probably marry someone outside my race, if I feel they are the right person for me. Race doesn’t matter when it comes to my relationships what is important is that my partner is a good person. I think we have been conditioned to marry within our race, because as children we see examples of marriage from the adults around us. Usually these examples are parents, aunts and uncles, grandparents and neighbors. So unless someone you know in the family or neighborhood is in a biracial relationship then you only see the relationships of people within your race. As for the cultural differences and issues that come with a biracial relationship, I figure if I think the person is worth being in a relationship with, then it doesn’t matter what anyone or society has to say or think.

6. g.adebonojo February 23rd, 2009 at 7:51 pm

   I don’t think race is the primary hurtle to overcome when discussing primary relationships like dating or marriage. I think that culture, which is often interpreted as race, is the major point of incompatibility. For example, my father was equally incompatible with a Black American woman and White American women. The issue is truly not his race, but the culture which shaped his view of the world. On the other hand I, though racially black, would not have a problem dating a girl of any race, provided we were both born and raised in America. It might not be successful but the point is, we would have a shot. I think that the culture one grows up in dictates the way you approach primary relationships. Old-school Nigerians and Americans tend to have different expectations about what a marriage should be and how children should be raised, and this can place unbearable stress on such primary relationships. Our problem is that when we see such cultural divides on American soil, we tend to assume the cause is race.